Good fren drunk for my farewell clubbing. haha

Just get home.. wow, 4am... Tonight Jien Tsun drunk and vomitted in my car..aiksss... luckily i open window for him, haha. He drunk bcoz got a fat lady ask him to drink and he care so much of his face and keep drinking liquor, haha, luckily i didnt kena bcoz i act lansi and dowan talk to the group of gals. End up he talk to them and kena challenge by them, haha. Really feel sorry to my dear, so late only back home, hope she dont feel unhappy. dear, i miss u so much... haha. good nights

My Dear dear dear is leaving...

Today sent her to airport, she is leaving. The feeling really hard, really hard and not willing to let go. Never have this feeling before, maybe bcoz the person that i love so much never leave my like this before. its really hard, really hope she dont go. Yesterday have a big argue with her. Both of us have different point of view, she told me is just friend, i trust her, but i really feel she just cant let go this guy. To be honest, i didnt see any much of the message of her and him, but my instinct just tell me they are still have strong feeling there, I really cant accept the truth she hiding her ex about my exist, who am i? A bf that should hide until she feel comfortable, who am i? This is so unfair... I will let her do anything she want if her ex know my exist, I just worry so much because her ex dont know my exist and they will be spark again between them, i know im sellfish , but i need a status too... When i think of why she hiding all the photos make me feel even sad... That's my status to her. She just insist so much and wanna meet him so much, but its all my fault that made her unable to meet up. Am i wrong? maybe yes... but i really just cant stand the feeling of letting my beloved gf meeting her ex which they still contact so much and they still have feeling there. i trust her, but why cant she just meet up with him with my exist, she just cant let her ex know im her bf,why? she told me she dowan hurt him, but how abt me? what am i to her? She rather than hurting me....after the incident, i know she really not happy with my stubborn, i know im selfish, but i really just cant stand that. I feel sorry and at the same time i feel very sad. Now i know why my ex ask me reply "dont disturb my life anymore" when my ex ex text me happy birthday. This is a kind of jealousy. After i told her abt i saw her text message accidently, but actually i didnt, i found out she just keep holding, hiding her phone, even silent her phone, i really feel uncomfortable the way she try to hide from me. Why muist all end up like that? Yesterday she just keep texting when im not talking with her, early in the morning, so many texting again and she used to show me tell me, but now no more, she just hide aside and text, thats really make me so uncomfortable. When she get into aircraft, she told me she off, then suddenly at LINE, i know... She is texting some1 there, my feeling really sad.. i really feel sad, why all this happen... Feel like a lot of things hiding in between. i know she love me a lot, but why must all this hiding happens, am i selfish, over jealous? hmmmm, i believe this nails will deeply sting into my heart, we will separate for some times, i really dont know what will happen in future, wish i will forget all this. Maybe she will feel more freedom now after she back to Japan, no body will wondering her phone ring or what. hmmmm... Am i really doing too much over? Or i should just let it be and act dont know? Take care always dear, i really love you, but my over jealousy really make me feel sad and really uncomfortable to what happen between us. Take care always/=)

wow, 2013...

Gosh... i still able to log in my blog after so many yearssss... Kind of weird feeling writting blog at this age. haha!! look back at my post, im so childish.. but thats really good memory.. so late havent sleep? hmmmm.. actually was thinking something, saw something in fb, make me cant sleep. then browse and browse the net, then found my blog. and suprisingly i can log in, thats why im here writing. really having hard time to sleep. keep on thinking im the 3rd person into my relationship now. feel so heartache when i found she and her ex was still that close when i chase her, even her family know everything but hide from me. i feel that i got cheated and became 3rd person into this relation. what should i do? i love her so much, but i really cant pass my own barrier abt im 3rd person into this relation. this thing never happen in my life, why she hide so many things from me? i went to japan for her, but she just hide from me, her ex even send her to airport with her parents. all of them know her ex exist but all hide from me. Y???? i really sad tonight, but i try my best to cover my feelings. end up we argue, she said im not care abt her, she and her family do things for me but i didnt care. but i didnt!!! i just sometimes not happy and i reply maybe not what she want and missunderstand. lately i n her argue a lot. really really sad. plus today i found out that. aiksss. really really duno what should i do, really wish i have some1 to tell abt all this rather then writing all this to my diary... i went to pyramid today just wanna try our faith, oh gosh, i really saw her,in starbucks, but i didnt call her, bcoz i found her, i wanna try will she found me? after the movie Serendipity, i believe in faith so much. but a bit sad coz she didnt found me, but after that i saw her text saying she was not feeling well, i rushing to find her, but she is no more there, end up i didnt tell her i did went to pyramid with fatty. few more days later we are going to Ipoh, our holiday trip before i leave to Istanbul and she going back to Japan. wish to have a nice trip...